White River Rafting, Major Miscommunications, and do not forget the Squall

So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. (James 1:4, NLT)

We started our morning out with a nice gentle run alongside stunning snowcapped mountains in Canmore Canada (Alberta) and our day quickly escalated from there. 

Mike has been wanting to go white river rafting for years. I've wanted to go as well, as long as we could go somewhere tropical. It's no secret, I like warm temperatures. I've been known to go stand up paddle boarding in Hawaii, wearing my hoodie. By the grace of God, I am what I am.

As much as I attempted to avoid the issue, Mike was adamant to make reservations to go on a white river rafting trip…today. I finally relented once he explained the process. We would suit up in dry suits and raft down Bow River for several hours. We had near perfect conditions. The sun was shining. Although the temperatures were in the fifties, there was no wind. I can do this. It's a dry suit. The only parts of my body getting wet would be my hands and possible a few splashes on my face…now and again.

While we were waiting on our reservation, we had enough time to hike up Grassi Lake Trail to take pictures of the waterfall. The trail is labeled moderate, we made the hike with an eight and nine year old with no difficulty. It is one of the most spectacular waterfalls I've ever seen and has a beautiful lake nearby. If you are ever in the area, it is a must see. Living in Hawaii, I've seen many waterfalls, but this one is very unique.

   

After our hike, we were underway for our rafting trip. When we went to suit up, imagine my dismay when I learned we would not be wearing dry suits, we would be wearing wet suits. WHAT!? As you can imagine, there is a huge difference between a dry suit and a wetsuit. Just in case you don't know the difference in the two, a dry suit keeps the body dry except for the head and hands. In a dry suit, there is a layer of air between the suit and the body...DRY air. While a wet suit…in theory, holds a warm layer of water in between the wet suit and the body that is warmed by the body. I would argue, that all depends on the body! Frigid plus frozen equals...well, I have no words.

We were also issued a fleece (I seriously considered asking for three), and a splash jacket. I compare a splash jacket to a plastic trash bag…with arm holes and a head hole.

In other words, no insulation…but at all.

While our guide Ian, was giving our safety briefing and explaining what to do in the event we fell overboard, I thought to myself, "OH Bruddah, I am NOT falling overboard if I have to hold on so tight I rip the paint off this raft!" Then he went on to explain, we would not be sitting inside the raft (as I had assumed) but on the side of the raft…on the side of the raft…closer to the water?! How does that even make any sense?! Who does that?!

Then Ian said something that REALLY caught my attention. He said, "When you fall in the river…" I interrupted and said, "Ho ho ho, what do you mean…WHEN…we fall in the river?" He chuckled and said, "Oh I said, if…not when." I argued, "No…I DISTINCTLY heard you say when." He chuckled and continued with our safety briefing…of which, I didn't really hear as I was busy perfecting my plan of how NOT to fall in the river. I had intended on asking the temperature of the river; however, knowing the air temperature was in the fifties and the river is fed by glaciers put me in information overload!

After our briefing, I pulled Mike aside and said, "You are in SO much trouble right now, you said, dry suits…NOT wetsuits." He argued, "No, I said wet suits." I countered, "Noooo, I distinctly heard you say DRY SUITS!" He belly laughed. Oh everyone is cracking up today…well, not EVERYONE.

I somehow gathered myself enough to get on the bus. Mike said, "Oh c'on woman…you jumped out of an airplane…how bad can white river rafting be?" My response, "That was in HAWAII where the air temperature is in the eighties…like all good air temperatures should be!"

We were with a really great group of people and our guide was very cool, so the on the short ten minute bus ride up the river I decided:

• I'm here
• It is what it is
• I will be warm again…eventually…eventually I will be warm again
• I'm on the bus
• On the way to the river
• And...I will be warm again...eventually!
• I've paid…AND signed a waiver…may as well make the best of it

After all, the day was absolutely beautiful. And we're on vacation. And I want my girls to be adventurous. 

As the bus came to a stop, our guide mentioned something about this part of the river being named, "The Widow Maker"…I smiled, thinking…ha ha ha, very funny Mr. Funny Guide Man. As we walked to the river, I saw a sign, "The Widow Maker"…gulp.

As we were being issued our floatation device (Paddle...excuse me? Who does stuff like this?!), I was shocked when I heard our guide ever so gently tell Gracie, "Hey Honey, since you are so small, you don't have to take a paddle if you don't want to." What?! No slackers on this trip, I've gotta stay out of the river! And "so little"...she's almost as tall as me! We need working people on this raft!

She. Didn't. Take. A. Paddle.

I (in my MOTHER voice) said, "Dude, get back there and get a paddle."
She said (in her tiny little girl...nananana boo boo voice), "Ian said I didn't have to and I want to hang on with both hands." I said, "Oh no you don't…YOUR only job today is to make sure Mommy doesn't fall in that river. Did Ian birth you? I think not!"

Can you believe…that little kid ran from me?!
Drats the day she was able to outrun me...

Our group was large enough to need two rafts so I explained…ok, I whispered...to our guide, "Pssst…listen…put me with your strongest men…even if you have to put those two red headed kids in a different raft...because I REALLY need to stay out of that river!" He chuckled. What IS it with this man and all his chuckling?! I (very seriously) said, "No…really."

He did place me in the raft with the most men…well, and that slacking non paddler! I sized up the men…ok, they look healthy and strong…I think they can pick up that little kid's slack!

Once we got to the river, it looked quite a bit "harrier" than I had expected with all it's white water, steep embankments, rolling swirls, and what our guide so loving referred to as, "mini falls". Our guide had us help him push the raft down a steep slope, then one by one…we did the "slip and slide" in the mud (who KNEW there was gonna be mud?!) and loaded the Titantic…oh, I mean…raft.

We immediately went over our first "mini falls"…needless to say…the only dry spot on me at that point was the top of my head…under my helmet. That spot was dry…because of the helmet. Thank God for dry spots. Thank God for helmets. By the way, are you aware that rafts have HOLES in the bottom on BOTH sides, where people's feet are?! "Ian" (sarcasm alert) said it was so water could escape but I personally witnessed a lot of water rushing into the raft!

Right before our second "mini falls", I told Ian…quietly told Ian…"Ok, I am NOT down with falling in this river! And I am especially not on board…pun fully intended...with river water going inside my ears." Our guide yelled, "No worries, I placed you nearest me…I don't get "very" wet…since you are thermally challenged." Oh…ha ha ha….thanks for pointing that out to everyone, Mr. Funny Guide Man. And just for kicks...define "very wet".

As we were quickly approaching another…uh hum…mini falls, Mr. Funny Guide Man had a great idea. Since Mikea was having the best time of anyone in our whole group…with all her yehaws and yahoos and "Isn't this fun Mom?!?", she should sit on the front of the raft, hang her legs off, and hang onto the rope like riding a bull…it's called, "The Rodeo". Ohhhhh yeaaaaaah, put that kid up there….I wanna see THIS! This excursion finally got interesting!

She took her seat and rode that river the "Full 8 Seconds"…yep, that's MY GIRL!

All of the sudden, we heard whoops and hollers from behind us…the woman riding, "The Rodeo" behind us was a 69 year old great grandmother! And, I must say…I give her a 10! 

After many twists, turns, rapids…etc, etc, etc…I noticed the sky wasn't as sun shiny (*yet another...sarcasm alert*) as it had been. Up ahead, in the distance…I saw something very…well, cloudy and...stormy. But it wasn't like a cloud I had ever seen before and the sky was overcast…all of the sudden. True story.

Our guide casually said (lovingly…as if he were talking about his firstborn), "Oh look, there's a squall up ahead." I've read about squalls, I've been told about squalls, but I had never been caught in a squall while white river rafting in fifty degree weather…with temperatures quickly falling…until now.

Now I can fully describe a squall, in detail, because of first hand experience. Our calm, sunshiny day, with no wind, almost immediately had turned into overcast. OVERCAST?! 

And. It. Started. To. Rain. 

And. Then. It. Started. To. Sleet.

My handy dandy method of keeping my fingers from fully freezing so they don't fall off!

I haven't seen sleet in over 6 years. Sleet hasn't hit my body in over twenty years. There's a reason for that! A really good reason!

And...why yes, that IS snow behind my head!





















*Sigh*…I could no longer feel my feet. Well, I could no longer feel my feet up to my knees. Or my other extremities, again…true story.

I didn't see much after that…except for the patches of snow still on the ground. The reason I didn't see much was because my head was down, on my knees…I was using my helmet to protect my face from the sleet. I asked our guide if he "had any ski goggles in his handy dandy little dry compartment along with his safety gear"…alas...he did not. How COULD that be?! What kind of safety gear guide man is he anyways?! Every woman would pack ski goggles for a trip like this knowing eye piercing sleet is a distinct possibility!  

Thankfully, after 72 hours of floating down that white river being slammed by sleet and rapids…and mini falls…and no sun…ok, ok…it was only about 45 minutes…but whatever…we SAW THE BUS!!! What a BBBBB-eautiful sight, a big yellow bus…the most amazing bus I've ever seen...the bus…with a heater…set on high!

We pulled the raft out of the river and loaded it…ok, ok…I watched the men pull the raft out of the river and load it, as I was 1/2 frozen solid, then I screamed, "Every man for himself!!!" and I charged that bus. Like. A. Boss.

Our 69 year old "Rodeo Rider" was in between me and the bus. You better move it over Honey…that bus has a HEATER…and it better be set to high! Hey, she did the "Rodeo"…she's tough. I…however…whatever.

On the bus ride back to our RV, our guide said, "I LOVE trips like this…trips like this are character builders."

Oh…ha ha ha…is THAT what that was?!

So, try as hard as you can to make it to Canmore Canada at least once in your life and go white river rafting...with Ian…in May…through a squall! According to Ian, it'll build character!

The slacking non paddler!

Yes...my sentiments exactly!

The sleet accumulating outside our RV upon our return!

Canadian Rockies Rafting Company

www.rafting.ca

*Dislaimer*

All jokes aside, Ian was the best guide we've ever had.
Canadian Rockies Rafting Company is a first class operation.
And from what Ian told me...
my character has been upped by at least 20%.

Oh just look at Mr. Happy Man the Mikester...wife is frozen...mission fully accomplished.