Hidden Beneath

For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12, NKJV)

We bought a new house last May (2011). We were so excited and everything was brand spank’n new! Mike and I grew up in a lot of lack so to have this home was a huge blessing to us and we wanted to be really good stewards of God’s blessings. We took extra special care of every aspect of our new home.

Our sliding screen door that opens onto our lanai (patio) was very close in color to the outside environment which made it a little bit of a challenge to see when the screen was closed. Over and over, Mike reminded all the kids (ours, friends and neighbors) not walk through the screen door.

Seven months later, after months of successfully not having any children walk through the screen door, Mike walked through the screen door. I was in the kitchen making a salad and he was going to our outside kitchen to check the grill. He didn’t see the screen and walked right through it knocking it off the track and turning him into a screen wrecking ninja! 

When he first walked through it, he didn’t realize what hit him so arms started flailing and the duck and jab commenced! He moved erratically, thrashing about! It was one of the most hilarious scenes I’ve ever witnessed! Days later, I was still telling the screen ninja story and laughing. After all, Proverbs 17:22!

A few days later…I…walked…through…the…screen…door. In one week, every one of us walked through the screen door, Mike, me, both girls, and our dog. Our dog succeeded in making two trips.

As you can probably imagine, by this time, the screen was not quite what it use to be. Mike did a good job repairing it and it still worked; however, the handle was hanging by its side because one of the screws was missing. For weeks, every time I went in or out of the door, I thought to myself, “If I could just find that screw I could fix my door.” I’d make a quick look around on the surface to see if I could find the screw but didn’t really get down close to the ground and look in the cracks.

Today, I used the hose to wash the tile on my lanai. I thought, “Wouldn’t it be great if I found that screw and fixed the door?” I got down low and cleaned every crack and crevice to wash out all the dirt, small rocks and dead grass. In one of the cracks of the tile I found the screw and repaired my door! The screw had been hidden underneath the dirt, small rocks, and dead grass.

At the exact moment I saw the screw, the LORD spoke to my heart and said, “That is what I do. I dig deep in the heart of man, beneath the dirt, small rocks, and dead grass and I find what it takes to repair what has been broken.”

Open up your heart to Him today, let your thoughts and the intent of your heart be on wholeness. If there is any dirt, small rocks, or dead grass hidden in your heart, allow Him to dig beneath. He wants to repair everything that has been broken! Let Isaiah 61:3 rule in your life!

Trap'n Little Foxes

"Quick! Catch all the little foxes before they ruin the vineyard of your love, for the grapevines are all in blossom." (Song of Solomon 2:15, NLT)

I like herbal tea, I like it a lot. A friend recently stated I am in tea denial so there…I admit my relationship with herbal tea! I have a special herbal tea drawer that so nicely pulls out so I can see all my organized tea leaves at a glance. (No, they aren’t alphabetical, although I have considered that.) My cabinet smells like herbal tea and it makes me happy as deeply inhale when I open the drawer. I don’t use bags. I use loose leaf with a press. I cut (as my close friend has termed it) my own tea drink every day. I am not ashamed and I shall not be moved!

I like to do research. Sometimes, during my herbal tea research I make new discoveries. I find an herb or spice I can add to my tea that is beneficial to health, hair, skin, etc. At times, I have gone overboard with all my cutting and I cut my daily tea so many times that it tastes terrible. What happened? Experience reveals I have gotten too far from the original. Too many different herbs (little foxes) have ruined the taste of my tea (fruit).

I always start with raspberry. It will always be my first herbal tea love. Then I add a pinch of this and a pinch that (different herbs). As long as I stay close to the original, I have good tea. Once I operate too far from the original, I have bad tea…nasty tasting tea.

The same happens when I operate too far from my Original. When I find myself producing bad fruit I realign myself (Matthew 6:33). Then my first love remains intact and I produce much good fruit (John 15:5).

How closely are you operating to The Original?

Distractions

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (Matthew 6:33, NKJV)

Recently, my phone rang. My spirit “hit” me and I knew it was not a good report. I said, “I’m not answering that.” The Holy Spirit said, “Answer it now.” The call was from one of my closest friends who is more than a sister to me. She was extremely upset and told me of a completely wrongdoing against her. It was a very evil, personal attack.

Upon hearing of the situation...I felt as if I had spiritually regressed by 20years...

While on the phone, I kept it together. After speaking the word over her and explaining no matter what, we would walk this out together, I hung up the phone. Immediately, this was the conversation as the battled ensued. 

Flesh: I will rip his face off his head! 
Spirit: Vengeance is mine saith the LORD.
Flesh: You are Him on earth performing His works!
Spirit: Pray for him.
Flesh: OH, ho HO-HO-HO you have GOT to be kidding me?!
Spirit: Prayer always works.
Flesh: You know your hands wanna rip his face off!
Spirit: Even though you (flesh) are A LOT of fun, you are going to have to sit down and shut up. 
Flesh: Think on these things...RIPPING!
Spirit: I take every thought captive. 
Flesh: You are boring…
Spirit: I love Him so I keep His commands.

Ok…this is a slight exaggeration for comedic sake; however, I was so upset I was physically dizzy. The sides of my face felt like I had fallen into cactus needles. And I thought, “Oh man, not that physical sensation stuff again.”

Then condemnation tried to hit. Battle number two..."All these years, you had a forgiveness plan. Someone offends. You pray. God gives you a heart of compassion for them. He shows you why they do what they do. You have immediate victory. HA! Now you want to tear someone’s face apart! Your “plan” no longer works!" 

Me: The plan may not. But the Word always does! One sends a thousand to flight...two, ten thousand! Gotta LOVE God's math! I immediately contacted my pastor and his wife. They prayed over me, commanded all condemnation to flee....it immediately lifted. It had to bow to The Name above all names…King Jesus!  Praise God for pastors who can think fast on their feet and who are only a call away! Who are so full of God’s Word and His Spirit and know what to do, say, and pray! Thank you Pastor Micah and Kristy!

This attack was different that what I had experienced because this offense wasn't a direct hit on me. I was indirectly hurt. A collateral damage stat. Be sober, vigilant, alert (1 Peter 5:8)! For a short time, I fell for the attack. If the enemy cannot get to you, or someone you love, he will try someone to get to someone you love. In this case, unfortunately, the enemy had found the weakest link. A person I love dearly was terribly hurt and I was in full on protective mode.

As I began to piece together what had to be done I battled with several things. My primary concern was forgiveness...as in walk in. Yes. I know that; however, I reasoned (my first mistake) once a murderer confesses to killing someone and asks God for forgiveness they are forgiven. However the laws of the land decide the murderer must fulfill their requirements and be locked away for a time so that they can murder no more. I struggled with how forgiveness and accountability is balanced.

Over the next coming weeks, during prayer, Light Was! God showed me how the enemy used this incident to distract me from Him. As long as I was distracted, I was locked into that distraction instead of being locked into Him. I was locked into trying to find a solution instead of being locked into Him. He further revealed to me the next battle that was about to ensue so that I could stand against it. In an instant, He refocused me.

No matter what strikes the enemy makes, when we seek Him first in all things, He adds all things to us. He is everything we need! Don't be distracted!

Does He truly love me?

Several years ago, I heard a friend say something that changed my life forever. She said, “There is truly only one attack of the enemy”. I perked up to really focus on what she was about to say because I thought…hey, this is going to simplify my life! If there is only one battle, I can fight one battle! 

She went on to say, the one true battle is this…does God really love me? 

Light is!

No matter the attack:

• Spousal cheating
• Prodigal children
• Negative doctor’s report
• Financial crises
• A friend turning their back

Would God allow this (whatever the current this happens to be) to happen to me if He truly loved me?

Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the LORD delivers him out of them all. (Psalm 34:19, NKJV)

Why do afflictions come? There are many superficial reasons; however, those are created to be distractions. The foundational reason they arise is for the word’s sake (Mark 4:17). 

What does this mean exactly?

• A spouse may have an affair.
• A child may get arrested.
• A doctor’s report may say a disease is imminent.
• A business deal may go bust.
• A close friend may end a friendship without explaining why.

They all arise to destroy confidence in God’s Word destroying confidence in Him. He is His Word (John 1:1). When all this “comes home to roost”, at the “end of the day” the question is, “Does God really love me?”

I have a good report today! Yes, God really does love you and I can prove it!

All scripture is given by inspiration of God! (2 Timothy 3:16, NKJV) Now that we’ve established that and His Word is not a compilation of whatever whoever wanted to write, we can establish His truth about love!

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8) 

Now that, my friends, is true love that never fails! 

But I Thought God Said...

For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. (Psalm 84:11)

Last week, my youngest child ran to me and laid her head on my chest. I asked what was wrong. She explained she had hit her head on a cabinet door. I patted her back thinking it was only a little bump when all the sudden I saw blood running down her face, and then more, and then more. Who knew a little head could bleed so much? Trying not to freak out, I walked her to the bathroom to survey the damage.

As I cleaned her head up, through tears she said, “But I thought God said He is our shield.” In her preciousness, I didn’t know if I should smile or cry. I explained, “God’s Word is always truth. It does say He is our shield and it also says obey your parents so that your life will go well for you.” How many times have I asked you to close cabinet doors?” Then we had a quick lesson on the law of physics.

Thankfully, her bump on her head was very small, her confidence in God’s Word remains intact, and I no longer have to remind her to close cabinet doors. {Smiling}

You Don't Love Me!

One of the most frustrating things I face as a mother is when I discipline one of my girls and they perceive it as me not loving them instead of it being a result of something they deserve.

For example, we were driving to town and my youngest child was teasing my middle child with the dvd remote control, Play-Stop-Fast Forward-Reverse. I took the remote from my youngest. She yelled, “You don’t love me like you do her!” At which time I calmly closed the dvd screen. She said, “I’m going to kick your seat.” In my deepest mommy voice, I said, “Do you really want to do that?” My children know me well enough to know, if they find themselves in a hole, they best stop digging…quickly or else I have many options up my sleeve. Wisdom ruled and she decided to “stop digging” and she apologized.

I understand she is only seven, wisdom will continue to come, and she won’t always react the way she did this day. But I thought…how often do we hear others blame shift and blame God for failure, or natural disaster, or unanswered prayer?

Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! (Isaiah 5:20)

Let’s clarify what Jesus said.

The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows). (John 10:10, Amplified)

My heart’s desire is for my children to perceive I have a heart of compassion and I love them, even when things are not going their way.

So does my Father.

Running Wild!

Without vision people run wild, but blessed are those who follow [God's] teachings. (Proverbs 29:18, God’s Word Translation)

Last October we took a month long family vacation to the Beautiful Lake of the Ozarks. When we returned home, it took us a month to get back in the groove with home school. Every day brought tears. A few days, those tears were mine. (Galatians 6:9)

One morning after prayer and completely being renewed, at the first sign of trouble, I made a bold announcement! I said, “We are going to have a great day!” Every time one of my girls tried to waiver from our goal, I got down to eye level with them and said, “We are going to have a great day!” Then I made them repeat (confess), “We are going to have a great day!”

That was the turning point! Then it hit me, my home school was perishing for lack of vision and my household was running wild! Once I announced our vision (Psalm 119:105) and kept bringing my girls back to the vision, the fruit followed.

What about you? Are you following your vision or are you running wild?

Establish your vision today, follow God’s teachings and blessings follow!

All Busted Up

Each one of you will put to flight a thousand of the enemy, for the LORD your God fights for you, just as He has promised. (Joshua 23:10)

One sends a thousand to flight, and two ten thousand! (Deuteronomy 32:30)

A thousand or ten thousand what?

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12)

Gotta love God’s math! And, gotta love the way God communicates with us! He never leaves us or forsakes us (Hebrews 13:5) and when He reveals His awesome amazingness, it’s all like…WOWZERS!

Our dog, Boadie was taking a nap at Mike’s feet. Boadie was snoozing underneath our coffee table which happened to have a very heavy glass table top. Please notice the past tense in the previous sentence. Mike got up, startled the sleeping dog, the dog’s collar got caught on the curve of the leg of the table and he bumped his head on the glass sending the glass table top crashing to the floor. All ended well and we went about cleaning up all the glass. I never liked that table anyway.

I stared at the glass on the floor when God spoke to me in an instant! He said, “This is what darkness, sickness, disease, pain, and poverty looks like when a born again believer speaks My Word…all busted up!”

For the Word of God is ALIVE and POWERFUL! (Hebrews 4:12)

Alive = having life; living; existing; not dead or lifeless, living, in state of action, in force or operation, active, full of energy and spirit.

Powerful = having or exerting great power or force, physically strong, producing great physical effects as a machine or a blow, potent, having great effectiveness (mucho mahalos to www.dictionary.com).

My head is literally spinning! This is so exciting! Never believe the lie that your faith filled prayers are not heard when praying according to His will! (1 John 5:14, 15) Never believe the lie that your confessions doesn't work! 

Let us hold fast the confession of our faith without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. (Hebrews 10:23, NKJV)

So the next time we are troubled on every side, perplexed, in despair, cast down…speak His Word in faith and do not waiver because we are never destroyed! (2 Corinthians 4:10) And envision the enemy’s plan all busted up!

February - The Love Month

Last year, a beloved friend sent me a very well written email about love. Soon thereafter, I voluntarily engaged in a friendly Facebook spar with a friend of a friend who happens to not be a believer. She and I were operating with reciprocity during our friendly debate (A great big thank you to Pastor Micah Sutton for expanding my vocabulary! {www.legacykona.com}) In that online conversation, I quickly learned…love has many definitions. My “argument” for lack of a better word, was based on God’s Word. Her argument was based on opinion from personal experiences which were not all positive. She and I quickly determined, we were not comparing apples to apples. All this made me think…what IS love? Until we can rightfully define love, we cannot make a valid comparison.

So many times when someone says, “I love you”…they would be just as well to say, “I hormone you”…it just doesn’t sound as catchy as, I love you. {Laughing Out Loud} Some base their definition of love on what they see coming out of Hollywood. Freak out…shudder! Quite honestly, until the last six years or so when I was born again, I had no idea what love truly was. As I grow in my relationship with Jesus, love is becoming more and more clear to me every day.

Since He made all things (John 1:3) the best way to correctly define love is by referring to the Truth…God’s Word. First Corinthians tells us love is:

• Patient
• Kind
• Does not envy
• Does not boast
• Is not proud
• Does not dishonor others
• Is not self-seeking
• Is not easily angered
• Keeps no record of wrongs
• Does not delight in evil
• Rejoices with the truth
• Always protects
• Always trusts
• Always hopes
• Always perseveres
• Never fails

God is love. (1 John 4:8) Wow…that’s powerful because God is always faithful. (1 Corinthians 1:9) I believe love is a very powerful living force and darkness dissolves in the presence of true love.

If we love God, we will keep His commands. (John 14:15) We are commanded to love. (Mark 12:31) If we love God I believe our decision to follow his commands is between us and Him. Not between us and the person we are commanded to love. As a result, love isn’t a feeling, it is obedience. But exactly what does all this mean in our day to day relationships? How do we walk out this love as we are commanded? All religion aside, I believe it has a lot less to do with our relationship with others and more to do with our relationship with God, our heart regarding obedience and submission to Him. All of which has very little or nothing to do with how someone treats us. (Luke 6:32-34) When someone mistreats us and our flesh screams to retaliate, we have a decision to make. Do we repay evil for evil? (Romans 12:17) Or do we love Him and keep His commands because our relationship with Him outweighs our desire to fulfill the flesh?

I believe love is:

• To meet someone “where they are at” like God meets me “where I am at”.
• To fill someone’s needs similarly to how God fills my needs or at least to the best of my biggest effort.
• To treat others with a heart of compassion as God treats me with His heart of compassion.

Is this even possible? Ephesians 5:1, 2 and Matthew 19:26 says yes! But in order to operate with the love of God we must have the love of God flowing in and through us! He fills us to the overflow and that love spills out onto everything we do. (Matthew 9:12) My prayer for this Valentine’s Day is to have the power to grasp every day how wide and long and high and deep the love of Christ is until it overflows in every area of our lives and to all those who come into contact with us! (Ephesians 3:18)

Out There

This is raw, purely raw...written straight from the depths with no protection filters turned on. 

A friend recently asked, “Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you put yourself so out there?” My response, “Two reasons”. One, to prove to others they are not alone in the issues of life. Two, to prove to others we all can overcome by The Blood of The Lamb and the word of our testimony and walk in victory. To glorify my God who called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light. Yes, I know…that is three. {Smiling} I got on a roll!

A year ago January, my doctor told me I “must stop suppressing my emotions”. Where do I start when I’m starting from ground zero while at the same time attempt to not get in the ditch on the other side? My ISTJ (personality test result) screams, I “am quiet and reserved and am interested in security and peaceful living.” I know this is true! That’s why when “it hits the fan”…I move into action, survey the damage, determine what level of severity to place on “it” and recover as quickly as possible.

I will be honest. I don’t like it (putting myself “out there”). It is a side of me I’d rather just not expose. I’d much rather just smile, nod, and quote scripture while helping others walk through difficulties. But I can’t. God has placed in me a huge heart of compassion for those who are struggling. A fireman of putting out the fire of struggles! I must use what I have to help others. What do I have, my testimony. People cannot relate to fixed smiles, nodding, and hearing, “Let’s bow our heads in prayer”. Prayer is amazing and prayer works; however, people want to connect from someone who has been on “the other side” and walked through the flames. Sometimes, we gotta get down in the trenches with people, take them by their hand, and walk them out amongst the smoke and flames. In order to do that, we have to have experience in walking through to the other side.

Please note: If the family member who I am referring to in this post is reading this, please understand this is not at all intended to make you feel like a situation could’ve been handled differently. You did great! We all know, it is what it is. You handled this well, I love you, and I thank you. I’d rather you had told me than anyone else. And your love cushioned the incident because I know, you have my best interest in your heart.

Incident in question. I was cleaning my car when I received a Facebook message. Gotta love 2012! A family member informed me my paternal biological aunt had called my maternal mother’s sister in law to inform her that my biological father had died.

Ok…stop everything. Is it just me…or does the past seem very complicated? When people have asked me about my past, I jokingly said, “Grab a pen and paper, you are gonna wanna keep notes to keep up.” Or maybe I could have just written, I received a message. 

Moving right along. If you’ve read my previous blogs, you know I am adopted, I met the man who I was told was my father, and he denied being my father.

Upon receiving the Facebook message regarding his death, I blew it off as I do most things as I evaluate the severity of the situation. My first response was, “Oh, so this means I can now relax regarding his threat to cut my head off?” True story…he had made that threat because he said I “look just like my mother”.

Once the Facebook messaging was over, it didn’t take long…perhaps three exchanges, I went about cleaning my car. I thought, ok…we all knew this day was coming, this is done, and now we can move on. All of the sudden, something physical happened that I didn’t understand. I started shaking. I got cold chills, dry mouth, dizzy, and had difficulty breathing. All of which, was a complete shock to me because emotionally, I felt nothing.

See, I knew how to feel when my daddy (adoptive father) died. I fell apart. Called my closest friends and bawled like a baby…for weeks. It took me about five years, but I walked through the stages of grief with a lot of help from my friends. My friends helped me as I dealt with layers and layers of grief.

But now, how was I supposed to feel? Out of almost forty seven years, I only had accumulated approximately ninety days contact with the man who just died. I wondered why an attempt was even made from his sister to contact me. I’d only spoke with her twice. I hadn't had contact with him for almost twenty years.

I tried to process why I was having this physical response. It wasn’t as if I had yearned for a relationship with this man and he rejected me. Or I wished for a relationship to be restored. The only thing I had wanted for him, my only prayer regarding him was for him to receive Jesus. And I don’t even know if he did. So why this disturbance in the force, so to speak. So why this physical response? I don’t know. Is that bad grammar? Yes, it is.

I never walk through the fire alone. (Deuteronomy 32:30) I recognized this as an attack. I contacted one of my closest friends. Immediately, she gave me peace and strength (as she always does). No weapon formed against me shall prevail! (Isaiah 54:17) Praise God for friends!

God gave me a daddy, an amazing daddy and he left no stone unturned in the daddy department. He met all my needs as a dad. I was a daddy’s girl. He spent time with me. He took me to church. He provided for me. He went to great lengths to teach me godly principles. I was a priority in his life. God even placed in my life an amazing spiritual father who checks on me, loves me, and prays for me. I am phenomenally blessed when it comes to dads. Last and certainly not least by any definition of the word, I have an unfailing Heavenly Father! In the daddy department, nothing in my heart is lacking.

Even though my foundation had been shaken a bit, I do know this. Since I faced this, others have faced this and others will face this.

And I know:

No weapon formed against me shall prevail against me!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

I praise Him, He causes me to triumph!

Since He be for me, who can be against me!

He works all things out for my good!

I know He is good and I know His Word is Truth, Truth trumps true. (Thank you Bro. T.L.)

There is another side to this. And I will use all of this to the glory of God.

What about you? Have you had similar responses? If so, how did you process it? 

His Birthday, My Birth Day!

The first time Mike and I walked into Walk on Water Faith Church in Osage Beach Missouri, Mike said the hair on the back of his neck literally stood up (in a good way). He said he knew he was “home”.

I will be totally honest. I wasn’t so sure. Dr. Larry Ollison’s teachings were so foreign to me. He taught how to walk in spiritual authority (Luke 10:19), use our words to shape our lives (Matthew 12:37), and how Jesus came to provide abundant life (John 10:10). I wanted to believe it but yet, it all seemed too good to be true. At that point, it was too much for me to wrap my brain around.

Every Sunday, Mike raved about the service, everything from the worship service to Pastor Larry’s teachings. Every Sunday, I tried to piece together what Pastor Larry was teaching. Every Sunday, I left church determined to never go back. I just couldn’t make sense of it. (1Corinthians 2:14) Somehow, by the time the next Sunday rolled around, I was headed back to church.

After approximately six months of attending Dr. Ollison’s church, we learned that there was going to be a birthday celebration for him. I wasn’t comfortable in going to any activity except regular service because during regular service I could sneak in the back, hear the message and sneak out. I didn’t have to connect with anyone and I was doing a really great job operating in my comfort zone.

Most churches have many events outside their “normal” church service, i.e. fellowship dinners, annual picnics, etc. Please understand, even though these activities can be a lot of work, God may use an event outside regular service to set someone free and change their life forever.

I felt very pulled to go to Pastor Larry’s birthday celebration even though it was something completely out of the norm for me. I talked to Mike and we decided to go and sit in the back…you know, where we could quietly slip out and not be noticed.

During the party, people took turns telling about how Pastor Larry had contributed to their lives. There were a lot of very heartfelt tributes to him and his ministry. There were some very funny videos played that had been deleted from and added to. It was a “roast” party.

During the celebration, something happened to me and I was immediately changed forever. As I was in the sanctuary packed full of people who were doubled over in laughter, it was like I was transported. I could see the people laughing, I could hear them laughing, and somehow God used laughter to heal a deep part of me. I felt as if I had been born again! I didn’t respond to an alter call, I didn’t repeat the sinner’s prayer, I didn’t fit into any theological mold…but somehow, in a very supernatural way, God rebirthed me. Maybe He took all my prior "savings" and molded them into one. From that day forward, I never got saved every time I heard an alter call as I had done numerous times before. All the sudden, being born again was real to me. I knew that I knew that I knew, I finally experienced my spiritual rebirth. Every year on Pastor Larry's birthday, I celebrate his birthday and my birth day!

• A merry heart does good like a medicine. (Proverbs 17:22, NKJV)
• The joy of the LORD is your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10, NKJV)
• But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. (Galations 5:22, 23 NKJV)

God delivered me through laughter at a roast. How cool and awesome is He?