The Day I Realized I was a Complete Failure…at Everything.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. (1 Corinthians 13:4-5, NLT)

The last two weeks have been two very long weeks. Homeschool has been a struggle. My husband has been working long hours. I’ve been training to run a 5k, a very challenging sprint, and a lava man. Oh wait, I forgot about that other 5k. (Is that really a total of four?! Oh wait, don't tell me.) And I got sick and I haven’t been sleeping well.

*Deep cleansing breath*

At the end of the two very challenging weeks, I laid on the couch waiting for my husband to come home from work. Wearing an oversized t-shirt, no make up, and my hair up in a pony tail...I realized I hadn’t done laundry…since….oh….I couldn't remember. About that moment, I heard my girls fighting…again. 

I thought, “Wow. I want to be him, so I can work late too.” 

And I intervened like any great mom would do, refusing to intervene and telling myself, “Survival of the fittest is a great parenting tool. So, whatev." I'm sure Dr. Seuss or Dr. "Somebody" endorses it. I tried to be really quiet, hoping they would think I wasn't home.

All that seemed to be compounded by the realization that we (as a homeschooling family) are almost at the mid mark in our homeschool career. Meaning, how on earth did half of our homeschool “career” just vanish into thin air?? Accompanied by, “Do my girls know everything they need to know? Are they being equipped? Will they be able to make a living when they move out?! How will I know?” Not to mention, our wifi (that we need for school) has kicked us offline a minimum of a dozen times per day and our printer has only worked half the time.

Ok...I mentioned it.

And then there was this…in the sink. 
Yea, I don’t know what that is and I am not going to ask. 

And then realized, our 17th wedding anniversary is Monday and we’ve done nothing to prepare for such an amazing day…I mean, it’s a very important day, a huge milestone, and should have been met with an equally amazing celebration! I haven’t even bought a card, uuuuugh. 

When Mike got home, I asked him to take us out for a late dinner. I needed a nice, quiet, delicious dinner to (hopefully) change the momentum of the past two weeks. He took us to a beautiful, open air restaurant with burning tiki torches, swaying palm trees, tropical breezes, and the sounds of many waters. Things were definitely looking up! Only to be very disappointed in the quality of the food. Even the garlic was bad. Who can mess up garlic?! And I went to bed nauseous. Really? Can anything go right?! 

No really.

If I’ve ever been tempted to believe I am a failure at all things…this was it. 

I felt like a failure

• as a wife
• as a mom
• as a home educator

Why am I sharing this borderline meltdown on this public forum? 

"Good faith girls" don't share such matters. 

Well, this one does.

Because I want to address the elusions/misconceptions.

• Is any marriage perfect? nope
• Is any homeschool perfect? nope
• Is a bloggers life perfect? Hahahaha…nope
• Is Christian life perfect? nope

Perfect, or...even remotely anything like it? Nope.

Thankfully, I could turn to Facebook. Hey two are better than one and since one puts a thousand to flight I will use whatever means are at my fingertips! (Ecclesiastes 4:9 and Deuteronomy 32:30) Pun intended to it’s fullest degree. I posted a comment asking for advice and I could literally hear the calvary as my girlfriends immediately ran to my aid! Some prayed with me, some texted me, some sent me inbox messages, some sent me helpful links, some texted, "Call me now!”  Now THAT…my friends is love! Thanks girls! Thanks for loving me, encouraging me, and always having my back!

While I do not encourage desperate Facebook posts...in the midst of all this, something very powerful occurred to me.

I know most of you have applied the "keep no record of wrongs" verse to others...but have you ever applied it to you? Please slow down and really re-read that. I will retype it for your convenience. 

I know most of you have applied the 

"keep no record of wrongs" verse to others...

but have you ever applied it to you? 

So here is what I want you to do…refuse to keep a record of your (real or perceived) wrongs. It is easier to forgive the wrongs of others but do our wrongs fall under a different category than the wrongs of others? And, do our perceived wrongs fall under a different category than real wrongs? Um…no, they do not. So, toss out that record of wrongs, forget the former things, refuse to dwell on the past (Even if that means this morning!) and press onward to your Heavenly prize! (Isaiah 43:18, 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 and Philippians 3:14) 

Now…who is gonna clean up that sink? 

That would be…not me as I yell…yep…yell, “Girls!"

Father God, thank You for being in every aspect of our lives. Thank You for showing Yourself to us in Your sweet, still, small voice even in the midst of piles of laundry, unrecognizable objects in the sink, oversized tshirts, and math concepts that currently remain ungrasped….Lord, is that even a word? Thank You for teaching us to apply Your Word not only to others but to personally apply it to ourselves as individuals. I pray for every reader right now. In the name of Jesus, touch them precisely where they are and please show them those secret records of wrongs they have been keeping. The “lists" that call out their names, point at them, and say, “Here is your downfall, this is why you are not enough.” Lord, please replace those lists with waves of love and peace. Your precious peace that surpasses all understanding and the peace guards our hearts and minds! And Lord, thank You not expecting us to be perfect and thank You for giving us Your Son...Perfect Jesus! 

(Philippians 4:7)