Take out the Trash...and Leave it Out

But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too. (Mark 11:25, NLT)

I recently attended a women's conference where Andi Andrew was the special speaker. To learn more about her, please click in the link below.

http://www.nycreligion.info 

During her message, she discussed how a situation had arisen wherein she needed to apologize to her daughter. Mrs. Andrew said, "I am sorry, will you forgive me?" Her daughters response was, "I will always forgive." Mrs. Andrew told her daughter, "Then you will always be free."

Unforgiveness reminds me of trash. Yep, stinky...funky...who knows what's in those trash bags. On second thought, who wants to know…eek.

When my girls were old enough to start taking out the trash, their trash removal skills wasn't exactly meeting my expectations. I had grown accustomed to Mike taking out the trash. He was like a trash can fairy. One moment trash was in the can. The next moment, the can was empty with a fresh, new liner. No more signs of trash anywhere.

When my girls first started taking out the trash...let's just say…additional training was required. A typical scenario went something like this. The bag was torn while it was being pulled out of the can, instead of carrying the bag they pulled the bag across the floor (leaving in it's trail…nasty liquid trash something), and a trail of trash (that was falling out of the growing hole as it was being dragged) from my kitchen to the dumpster as two little munchkin voices were protesting in unison, "Ohhh this is disgusting!" And "WHY do WE have to do this?!"  They would have to pick up all the stray trash, take bleach and clean everything the trash touched as well as all surrounding areas, and then scrub their little hands to remove all possibilities of whatever lives in there. As a result, my girls trash taking abilities have vastly improved, thankfully.  

Have you ever heard anyone say, "I want to forgive, but I just can't" or "Oh I will never forgive them." And the best one of all, "Oh I will forgive but I will never forget because they owe me!" 

Is it just me or does that remind you of dragging trash around? 

I've heard one of my fathers in the faith repeatedly say, "Forgiving someone is like unlocking the prison door…and freeing yourself."

If you've been having difficulty forgiving someone, declare by faith that you forgive them. If the offense attempts to arise again, declare, "Nope, I forgave them by faith, I believe I receive forgiveness as I forgive others. I refuse to waver." (James 1:6) 

Once we "take out the trash"…we do not drag it back inside. 

As you determine to forgive and consistently declare, supernaturally, forgiveness comes. What you are saying will be established and light will shine on your ways! (Job 22:28) You will no longer be dragging unforgiveness everywhere you go. You will no longer be dragging unforgiveness along the floor of your heart and there will no longer be a trail of unforgiveness funk! 

You will always be free!

Free: Not under the control or in the power of another (Mahalo google!) Who is in control of you? Father, thank You for teaching us how to walk in freedom. Thank You for forgiving us as we forgive others. Thank You for remembering our sins no more as You removed them as far as the east is from the west. But most of all, thank You for Your Son, Jesus. He is too wonderful for words! We are so thankful for Your love and the gift of Him! Hebrews 10:17

Psalm 103:12 

John 3:16

Big Doofuss!

Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. (Matthew 18:21, NKJV)

Last week, Mike and I planned an interisland trip, partly business, partly leisure. We scheduled our sitter who just happens to be the best sitter in the world, thank you Julie, we love and appreciate you! Everything was all set and ready to roll and we were so excited.

We had an early plane to catch and had a lot to get done before we left for the day so our house was buzzing. It was crunch time and right before I walked out the door, Mike made a negative comment under his breath, which by the way is one of my hugest pet peeves…ever. If he is going to say something, I say belt it from the rooftop! Well, not from the rooftop, but I’m sure you get the idea.

I took a slow…deep…breath, determined to ignore what he mumbled, and determined to overcome the temptation to scream, “WHAT DID YOU SAY?!” I was home free...almost…when all of the sudden my middle child decided to loudly proclaim what he said!

That's about the time I heard Pastor Larry in my head repeatedly saying, "Choose not to be offended. Choose not to be offended. CHOOOOOSE NOT TO BE OFFENDED." I wanted to scream, "SHUT UP PASTOR LARRY!" But I couldn't because that would be like telling my dad to shut up and I just can't do that no matter how loud my flesh screams!

I remained silent. No, despite popular belief, that is not an impossibility. We were driving down the road and I quietly tried to put on my bracelet which it is a tiny bit too short so I generally ask Mike to help me. But this day, I was determined to do it by myself! He saw me struggling and calmly said, "Do you want me to help you with that?" I softly answered, "No" but he knew what I was thinking. I was thinking, "No! I never want you to help me with anything, ever again!"

That's about the time, I…again…heard Pastor Larry repeatedly saying, "Choose not to be offended. Choose not to be offended. CHOOOOOSE NOT TO BE OFFENDED." Please refer to the previous “Pastor Larry” paragraph.

As we quietly drove down the road and this mental war waged, Mike finally said, "Your eyes are so beautiful, sometimes you remind me of an Egyptian Queen." At which time I wanted to roll my eyes in the back of my head and scream, "OH SHUT UP YOU BIG DOOFUSS!" And, for good measure, also add scriptural reasons why a “compliment” of comparing my eyes to an Egyptian queen’s eyes were totally unbiblical! I didn’t know how, but for a split second I was going to use my phone to research the subject and prove my point!

But...alas…I didn't…for many reasons.

One of which, even though he used bad judgement and made a mistake…he is still the authority placed in my life…by God. I believe God called him to be my husband, this includes imperfections. God didn't give me a "mistake loophole". God has never told me, "Mike is your authority as long as he never makes a mistake." As a result, the way I respond to Mike is between me and God. Mike is affected by how I treat him; however, I answer to God for how I treat him. I chose life over death. (Deuteronomy 30:19)

Secondly, I didn’t want my girls to see me respond to their father (the authority God placed in their life) with disrespect.

So...I purposefully laughed...I laughed really hard! Then he laughed! Then my girls laughed!
(Nehemiah 8:10, Ecclesiastes 3:1,4, Proverbs 15:15, Proverbs 17:22)

See, I had two choices.

1. Break the Cycle of Offense (or)
2. Continue the Cycle of Offense

“you must make the decision that regardless of how you feel, you are not going to be offended”, Dr. Larry Ollison, Breaking the Cycle of Offense (www.faithman.org)

I felt like smacking him...but, I’ve read the book…twice. I continue to refer back to it when needed. Personally, I believe there should be an app for that! The book is life changing when the principles are applied.

• Get it.
• Read it.
• Apply it.

You will be glad you did!

Screaming Point

But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too. (Mark 11:25, NLT)

Last week, one of my children was having a very difficult day. She continually refused to cooperate in school, she threw a tantrum when I told her to help her sister clean the kitchen and at one point, she screamed, “Why do moms have to be so mean?!”

It was at the screaming point that I notified her father via telephone of her struggles.

! DUN-DUN-DUN !

Our day progressed much in the same manner as it had started. That is, until right before Dad was due home. Then said child moved into suck up mode which seemed like less of true repentance and more of manipulationtance (I needed a "tance" suffix for rhyming purposes). About five minutes before Dad was due home, she said, “Mommy, I apologize for making so much strife today.” I accepted her apology and referred her to her father. 

Once their meeting was adjourned, she sincerely apologized and promised to change.

This made me search my heart, and ask God to reveal to me incidents that I need to make amends for by sincerely approaching those I’ve hurt (known and unknown). I also asked Him to show me where my attitude needed adjusting to align with His Word. He is faithful to flood my heart with light! (Ephesians 1:18)

How about you?

Are there amends you need to make by asking for forgiveness?

What about one step further? Is there anyone you can forgive today? Even if that certain someone doesn’t or can’t approach you and ask for forgiveness, you can still choose to release the offense from your heart, forgive and walk in freedom.

My prayer for you today is, Father God, in the precious name of your Son Jesus, I pray You move on the hearts and minds of those who read this blog post today. Open the eyes of their understanding, flood their hearts with light so that they can understand the confident hope You have given to those You have called! I thank You Lord, in advance for the many praise reports that will come flooding in and the lives that will be changed because of your gift of amazing grace and forgiveness. I count it all for Your glory, amen!

The Vow

Jesus said,  "Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you." (Luke 6:37 & 38, NKJV)

Last night, we watched The Vow. If you watch it, I highly suggest www.clearplay.com. 

One line in the movie made an impact on me. 

" I chose to stay with him for all the things he's done right; not the one thing he's done wrong. I chose to forgive him."

In this particular instance, the issue was marital infidelity. But I believe the above statement can be applied to other relationships as well. 

Parental (Both as a parent and an adult child.)
Friendships
Professional 
Ministry

When our body grows tired, our emotions run thin, and our feelings scream, "Give up!" God says,  "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." (Galatians 6:9, NKJV)




Special Bonus Scripture:

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31 & 32, NKJV)



A sidenote: It is very important to stay "out of the ditch". Relationships that cause more harm than good cannot be ignored. Sometimes, we have engaged in a relationship that God never intended for us. In that case, we must be Spirit led.